I don’t know why, but I imagined this pregnancy would prove to be less worrisome than the last. Sadly, that thought has not proven reality and my worry is constant. 

This is a singleton pregnancy…which equates to 2, maybe 3, ultrasounds. Totally different from a multiples pregnancy where ultrasounds happen at virtually EVERY doctors appointment. So, as a result I have had plenty of opportunity to freak out about how the little bean is developing since I can’t lay eyes on him (or her…won’t know for 2 more weeks). I question everything…I feel ok, is something wrong? Is he still growing? Are things ok? Will we find an active little one at our appointment or will I be disappointed and mourn a life that could have been? Why can’t I really feel any movement yet? And the list goes on…and I hate that all this surfaces ALL the time. 

I honestly have zero reason to suspect anything other than a perfectly healthy life is growing inside me…for heaven’s sake I still have morning sickness (to a lesser degree), heartburn, and swollen feet. But the fact that getting here is not easy and I haven’t seen the baby for more than 8 weeks or heard the heartbeat for over 3 weeks has me worried. 

I just have to accept those feelings and then tune in to all th changes that are happening to my body and believe things are perfectly fine. 

I wonder if all mothers-to-be go through similar worries or if this is something more prominent for those who struggle? Whatever the case, working through it is a daily occurrence. Hopefully the next two weeks move quickly so a little worry can be dismissed at our 20 week ultrasound!  

-R

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